Meri Maa

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A touching letter to her mother…

Every day at the end of our long phone call, there is still so much unsaid.  Every time after the soft hug, the craving to be back in those arms only increases.  You have always been my perfect machine, but today, post my marriage, you are so much beyond the definition of ‘Mother’.

After a long day, as I enter my new home with oversized grocery bags, the heart goes back to visualize how you effortlessly carried them month on month.  In fact, I am feeling so much closer to you than ever before Maa; I don’t know how you managed the house so exceptionally well, with that little money packet Dad handed over to you, how you could perform such phenomenal magic in keeping us all so happy…

From knowing the exact statistics about my hair fall, to handling Dad’s pressures as you opened the door, to economics to parents-teacher meetings to getting the latest style of shoes to cooking the most extraordinary healthy dishes to always smelling so fragrant.  How Maa, how?

How could you pour so much love to all those around you?  How, within minutes, you could make someone love you; how even today my friends remember you feeding them with so many traditional dishes!

I missed cherishing all these intricate wonders about you; maybe I was too occupied with my college and friends.  Or maybe age was the culprit, which kept me judging every move of yours, and tagged you as a lady of old-fashioned thoughts!

But today, as I sip my own black coffee, I smile, for it does taste sweet.  What a subtle joy it is to be able to love and do things for others.  This feeling of responsibility makes one so much more peaceful.  I look forward to making the new family my family.  I too feel like surprising some old relatives now and then, just the way you did.  I too sometimes pour ounces of ghee in steaming rice, and proclaim it’s too good for health!  Just a few years earlier, we were never given food until we prayed for the farmers.  It astonishes me how even today the hand spontaneously touches the food plate and a wish for the farmers gets whispered.  You should not go to bed with negative thoughts, wash your feet and sleep’ is now as natural as breathing.  It’s very strange Maa, I so often labelled a lot of things as ‘so boring’, but today I find myself smiling when I’m performing those very same activities.

Sometimes I do wish I had known from the start the value of what I have.

This letter is to tell you that you are too awesome Maa; you are an endless treasure, you are a living example of enthusiasm.  I am in that phase of my life where your smile makes me go crazy; being with you is like being next to a passionate lover.  I blush in your lap and sometimes just like how you would have kept gazing at me when I was a baby, I too gaze at you as you sleep.  Your innocence, your elegance, your values make me look up to you like never before.  I love being your reflection; I am grateful to you for bringing me up so well.   Your determination and every selfless move is only now so deeply understood.  Bringing up children the way you have is not easy, but you made everything look so effortless, happy and pleasurable.

I wonder if I can ever be like you.  It’s not something that affects me deeply.  But yes, I do wonder how I can make you proud.

For one thing is sure Maa, I will be better than you, I know I will take a little time, but that is the biggest gift a daughter can give her mother.  Yes, I will do all that you have done, add my flavour to it and take it to a completely new level.   I will make it big and yet remain tiny enough to be fired by you every now and then.

A time will come when my daughter will write something similar to this to me.  With tears rolling down my face, all I will be able to do is to whisper, “Thanks Maa.”

On my first day of high school, you pasted a note on my lunch box saying, “Remember: Maa loves you.”

And today I feel like writing it all over the air, “Maa, you will always be my First Love !!!”

With wonderment at this spectacular relationship,

Yours

Your Daughter.

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