Love is love only when I can love the other, independent of their imperfections. Why are we so much expecting perfection in relationships? It’s not a corporate, it’s not where based on their performance somebody will be upgraded into a vice president of a company. You can’t give an appointment order on the day of a wedding, “I’m putting you as a spouse in probation for six months, on the satisfactory completion you will be elevated to the role of a husband. And two more years you will be put under training and subject to satisfaction, I will gift you fatherhood.”
No, we can’t go through all that. There has to be some flow in the relationship. There will be imperfections. In fact, I tell husband and wife when they come together for counselling, “Anytime you have an issue in a husband and wife relationship, first bring about a shift in your body language. Instead of looking this side – why husband is like that or looking at that side why wife is like that, whenever you feel you have been given something which is not very good to live within life… look there. Because, if there is a manufacturing defect you should ask the manufacturer and not the manufacturing defect.”
How can you blame somebody who’s made like that? If he is temperamental, he is temperamental. How long will you feel like an insect to his anger? “Every time he gets angry, I cannot handle, he’s so bad.” That is because you’re getting upset. Start laughing next time onwards, when he is angry. You will freak him out, I’m telling you. Somehow people who are angry think there is an agreement between you and them, that when they get angry you should get upset. So, don’t get upset, in fact start smiling next time he’s angry. “Why… why are you laughing?”, he’ll ask you.
Fourteen years same acting you’re giving, no change in your acting. In fact, he should be scared to get angry to you, he doesn’t know what response will come. Because you are getting upset, he is getting angry. Freak him out. Next time when there is no salt in the dal and when you taste… Tenth time this month, there is no salt in the dal – At home don’t expect ISO 9000 standards, don’t bring the professional home. Instead of screaming and shouting give her a shock of her life.
Tell her “Darling, I feel like feeding you today, come… sit down… today I’m going to only feed you.” “Hey, there’s no salt in this!” “It’s okay, eat it…” From tomorrow when she thinks of dal itself, “I will be fed, so I better put salt.” Every correction will happen. There are loving, creative ways to correct people. Only dogs have to bark in return to correct anything. We are human beings, get creative in a relationship. After the program is over you go home and you find that roti is overcooked, it doesn’t look like roti, it looks like frisbee. Instead of holding it in the hand and shouting, throw your arms around her shoulder, “Come, my darling, come here.” “What is it?” “Please come.”
Leave the roti on the road, wait for a dog to come. A dog comes, a dog goes. Tell her. Automatically concentration in cooking will come. Instead of going on fighting with him, “You have time for TV, you don’t have time for me. You have time for TV, you don’t have time for me.” Simply pick up the chair and place it in front of the television and tell him, “Now I will tell one dialogue, you tell one dialogue, okay…” There are creative ways to handle it.
In fact, when that man came and made an issue that “I can’t live with her, because she is not disciplined.” I asked him “You are recruiting somebody for army or police?” Because I have never seen… coming to a counsellor and saying she is not disciplined. “If you don’t want a disciplined wife, that’s up to you. I want a disciplined wife.” I told him, “But I am not able to understand what you mean by discipline, can you explain to me?” And that’s when he said, “For example, she presses the paste in the middle.”
I thought there is no point talking to him. I looked up once, because I have a very strong argument with Him. You create so many like this and send all of them to me, what do You think? Okay… Just because I run a very good workshop where everything is repaired; doesn’t mean You send so many vehicles… I thought no point in talking to him. I looked at her and told, “Ma’am from now onwards buy two pastes. Let him press where he wants to press, you press wherever you want to press. For 14 rupee 50 paise, ma’am, don’t go for a divorce.”
And somehow, I couldn’t control. Sorry to be little exaggerated, but that day I was like that, I couldn’t control. So, I told her, got up from the chair, placed the paste in the floor and told her – One day when your husband comes back from work, you keep the paste there and you go around dancing… And he will ask you, “What are you doing?” Tell him, “This is my paste, I will do whatever I want, your paste is inside.”
As it is, movies are crying. Mega serial is crying. At least we can have a very celebrative life. And what has happened to that? See home was a place where you could hear laughter. I grew up at a time, when I could walk in the street and somewhere there used to shouting in one house, laughter in one house, what has happened to that? Why have we made family such a serious thing? That we no more laugh at each other, we no more laugh at each other’s imperfections.
There is no more celebration. It’s become such a serious lodge. Children are living in 103, parents are there in 104. Then we have a dining room called restaurant, coffee shop. We cross each other, the entire communication in the family has become now… ‘coffee’ , ‘I’m going’, ‘I’ve come’, ‘come’. Only so much is there in life, there is nothing more to life is it? In fact, the world is moving to a stage, where I won’t be shocked if 25 years from now, if husband and wife are together it will be called joint family.
Where is this thing called love? I’m asking this… Where is this thing called love? Where there is no happiness there cannot be love. Happiness guarantees love, love does not guarantee happiness. Happiness guarantees love. So first bring happiness into the home. Bring back happiness. There should be laughter in the family. There has to lighter moments. There has to be excitement. There has to be expressions. There has to pranks. There has to be naughtiness.
When you cross your dad once in a way you should tickle him and go. Can’t keep it so sophisticated. As father and mother get into the room where the child is sleeping, sit on either sides, wake the child up. Don’t from the kitchen scream, “Hey, wake up!” Bullock cart or what? Show some love, there has to be love in the tone… in that language. Bring joy into the family. Where there is happiness, you have created the context for love. Bliss of love is possible.