Everything about your life is perceived through your own definitions. You have a definition of what is happiness. Based on that you feel there are people who are happy in life and based on that you feel there are people who are not happy in life. Based on that you feel you are having a blessed life, or you feel you’re having a troubled life. Because you have a definition of happiness. In your eyes somebody is living a happy life because it fits your definition.
But if I ask them, they may not agree to it. They may not still feel they live a happy life because their definition of happiness is different. In somebody’s eyes, yours is the best family that they have known. Because according to them, there is a definition to a family and by that definition, they think this is the best family that they have related with. Your own family has different stories to tell. Because your definition of what is a perfect family or what is a complete family is different.
In the eyes of many people in the world, you’re a super success, because they have a definition to success and based on that definition of success they have, they believe you’re a super success. You’re one of those still churned, dissatisfied, restless soul. Feeling you have not even scratched the surface of your potential. There’s so much more that deep inside you feel compared to what I’m capable of achieving, what I have achieved is nothing. So, deep inside there’s still a sense of failure within you, but in the eyes of the world, you are a success.
Because, I am looking at my life with a different definition of success and they are looking at life with a different definition of success. So, most of the differences that we have. So, why are there religious wars in the world? Because every religion has a different definition to “God”. So, when we confront each other, we are not fighting religion, we are fighting definitions. I am trying to impress upon you.
What is my definition of “God” and you’re trying to impress and we have a name for that, we have a form for that, we have defined. I have defined “Allah” in certain way, he has defined “Christ” in certain way. She has defined “Rama” in certain way. And it’s not necessarily across religions, within religion. She thinks that “Krishna” is better. He thinks “Rama” is better and within them their arguments and within them they feel no, no, no, no, these are all “Vaishnavism”, I’m supporting “Shaivism”, and hence I feel “Shiva” and we don’t realize all our differences is because here we have different definitions.
You’re thinking your child is wasting time by using gadgets, because you have a definition of what is investment of time and what is wasting a time. And your son has always arguing back to you saying that, I am not wasting time, I’m only checking with him yesterday’s homework. He has a very different definition of what he is doing with the gadget. So, sometimes even the issues that happens within the family. I am seeing my mother-in-law as my mother, but if my mother-in-law continues to see me not as a daughter, but as a daughter-in-law, we are in the same relationship with two different definitions.
One is all the time trying to perfect the relationship and the other is all the time. So, I’m expecting love in the relationship. She’s expecting the respect in the relationship. So, I feel out of love for my mother-in-law because I see a mother in her, I can take certain great liberties in the way I express communicate. I’m thinking this. This is what I would have done with my mother. So, I can also do with my mother-in-law. So, from the definition of, I want to love in this relationship.
My approach to the relationship is different. Her approach to that relationship is, she has already been loved by her daughter. She was waiting for 26 years for somebody to come and respect her. She didn’t get it from her mother-in-law. She didn’t get it from her husband. She has not got it from her children. So, she has kept this job vacancy available for 26-years. One day somebody will come, for her being loved she is already used to. Somebody has to come and make her feel super powerful.
Keep asking her –Mummy ji, can I go this way? No, you go that side. Okay. And she has waiting, and the last thing she expected was. And you for so many years were very clear in your mind that when I get married and when I go somewhere, that will also be my family and I will do the same thing. Now there is an issue. First three months husband comes back from work every day – First does kitchen panchayat, then does bedroom panchayat, and after three months he has joined the club is coming every day at 11 o’clock in the night.
Because he has a third definition to this relationship. And in families where I was looking for – I love this expression. A lot of “infinitheist” I’ve started using this expression, they no more say, I’m looking to get my son married. The expression that comes from a lot of them is, you have started looking for a daughter. You’re looking at life through certain definitions and your life can be transformed only if you change these definitions. Without changing these definitions, life cannot change.