When you did the course fifteen years ago, in the very first value system that was introduced to you in the course, values I will live by to develop a powerful enlivening force, it used to read. On the fourteenth number in that card, there is a line that goes like this. “I will analyse my experiences and improve myself by practicing introspection.”
And while explaining introspection, Mahatria used to explain to you saying that, from today, every day before you go to sleep, the last thing you do right now must be watching TV those days, that time mobile was not there. The last thing you must be doing before going to sleep, must be watching TV. Instead, from now onwards, ten minutes before, switch off the TV, and run your entire day in your mind. Okay, I got up in the morning, I set up a wake-up call.
Then I switched it off and went to sleep. Don’t have to kill yourself, don’t have to crucify yourself, just run through your day. I did this, so I did not obey the alarm clock. So, though I was supposed to wake up at 6:00, I woke up at 6:30, and then I went, and, did I brush my teeth? I don’t remember, I’m not sure, I should have. OK. Then I came to have coffee, and I had coffee. It was good. And then I didn’t have time. It was because I woke up late. So, I took the breakfast and took the bike, saying that in the office I’ll go and have.
While going there, one cyclist came in between, and I scolded him with two bad words. He scolded me back with four bad words, and I got mood out, and with that I went to office. And because I was catching up by getting up late, I had to go to office seven minutes late, and hence I had to go to the manager’s cabin to sign the whole thing, and I had to either tell a sorry, or tell a lie. I got a puncture on the way here. He himself has said the same to his boss! OK? Or I have to say sorry and go through the entire day. Don’t hit yourself, don’t kill yourself, don’t do anything.
Just run through your day. Most of you will not cross 10:00 or 11:00, but by then you would have done so much mistakes, you will go to sleep! Instead of analysing this, you can sleep! You’ll go to sleep. But it’s OK. Just… Next day morning, get up, apart from all the things that you do, just read the value card. There used to be six cards, six into fourteen. The whole thing will take about six to seven minutes for you to read. Just read the value card. End of the day, only two things I’m expecting from you, morning you’ll read the cards and evening you will introspect, that’s all. Nothing else I’m expecting from you. What will happen? Nothing will happen for a few days.
But because three days in introspection, you realized, I set up the wake-up call for 6:00, but I woke up at 6:30. I set up the wake-up call at 6:00, but I woke up at 6:45, I set up the wake-up call at 6:00. I woke up at 7:15. Something beautiful will happen on the fourth day. You’ll set up the wake-up call for 6:30, because by now you’ll realize, donkey should not expect to wake up at 6:00, they can’t. So, I’ll wake up at 6:30. Because, instead of setting a goal for yourself every morning, where you fail, might as well set a goal where I begin by succeeding! So, my wake-up call, and this is called awareness.
Something within you has realized, you are not capable of getting up at 6:00. You’re not ready there. No, Brahmamuhurth had said…That Brahmamuhurth was told by Saint. OK. We are donkeys. A saint’s aspiration should not be there for donkey. Okay. You will realize you, why should I begin the day on a failure? Why should I let myself down on the beginning? I’ve realized, I’m not capable of getting up. I met one infinitheist by Jayakumar once, and I told him, “Hey, you’ve lost weight?”. “I’m on a diet!” “What is your diet?” “Breakfast now I only have seven idlis…”, he started. I was stunned. On a diet itself, only seven idlis? “Then before diet, what you used to do?” He answered aptly. “I never used to count!” That’s all!
Now that Swamiji is having only two idlis. He is Swamiji! We are not that. Seven idlis is minimum capacity, after all, room is there! Swamiji doesn’t have room, but we do! It’s called awareness. You realize they can write something in a book, he can teach something in infinipath, but finally, each one of us have to come to our own thresholds and reality. And I am not designed for Brahmamuhurth and other things. What is the next available muhurth? OK. Leave Brahma.
Is there anybody else? OK. Can you introduce any muhurth like that? This is called awareness. The third day, when you’re having coffee, you’ll tell yourself, every morning I am reading, saying that I’ll praise every improvement. And I’ll praise the slightest improvement. And yet, I have never appreciated my mother even once. I have never missed criticizing when coffee is not good, but I have never praised. When in introspection only you’re realizing this. But somewhere in the third day or the fifth day or the seventh day, when you are having your fourth sip of coffee, when it comes from outside, the voice dies, when it comes from inside, it doesn’t die.
The inside will tell you to appreciate it! Ma! Coffee is good. He’ll be going on the road, cyclist will come, you will scold two words, he’ll scold four words, it’ll happen. In introspection, by the time you have noticed this behavior of yours, you are getting angry on the road. You are getting filthy on the road, you’re getting ugly on the road… And we don’t know whether it’s bothering that fellow or not, it’s bothering you till you go to office. That he scolded you by bad words is still lingering in you, not in him!
The dirt is on me, not in him! Some story you would have heard. Let paanwala not decide how you behave. Some story, German Shepherd letting a Pomeranian know that I have a standard of way, something that you have heard, which is a mere redundant donkeyish knowledge in you, introspection will bring relevance into that knowledge. Somewhere in introspection you’ll realize, at this juncture I behaved like a Pomeranian! In this situation, I was actually like a paanwala only. Some realization will come. And that cyclist will come and say, “Go!”.
Anger will still form itself, but it will not find expression. It’s called awareness. There’s no other way to develop. There’s only one way to develop. By listening to this infinipath also awareness will not come. But you can understand the power of introspection. It’ll take about ten minutes, and you’ll go to office, and somewhere Mahatria would have already told you. If every meeting of yours begins either with a lie or a sorry, where is the psychological advantage in the meeting?
Because if I have a meeting, I want to have the psychological edge. I want to have the upper hand. If the meeting starts either with a lie where I have already let myself down, or a sorry, I’ve handed over the psychological advantage to the other person. He is going to control the meeting. I cannot control the meeting. I don’t mind somebody coming late and saying sorry, or a lie. He’s handing over the edge to me. I control the meeting, but I don’t want to lose this edge.
Somewhere, Mahatria would have told you this. You would have heard in an infinipath, in an individual interaction, in HDB, in the class. Some story you would have heard, but it’s sitting there as a redundant knowledge. It lacks application. What is happening to all of us is, our knowledge is growing in a separate track, our life is being lived in a separate track. And if these two tracks have to be held together, you need those wooden blocks, which has to act as anchor fasteners. They have to hold this, and this block is introspection. What turns that, all the knowledge… You read books.
And no ordinary books at that. Bhagavad Gita, Bible, Quran, all he has mentioned. You read all that. You gain all this knowledge, but it won’t have application. You’re going on developing. Knowledge does not become maturity without awareness, and awareness cannot be developed, unless you practice introspection. There is no way. On the go you cannot develop awareness. You need to sit aside and run through your entire day for a few minutes.
Somewhere, two months later, three months later, one day you’ll realize, on your own. Not because Mahatria said. Not because you read in a book, not because you heard an inspiring speech. On your own, one day you’ll realize. Every meeting I wanted to start with me having a psychological advantage, not the other having a psychological advantage. So, it’ll not begin with a lie and it’ll not begin with a sorry. And in my mind, I will not say I want to go to an office at 9:30, in my mind I’ll say I want to go to an office at 9:15, because for me, 9:30 is 9:45.
So, if I start deciding to go to office… Why? One day in the last minute, you have to run. Every time you’ll have to run in the last minute! We should understand our limitations. We should understand our weaknesses. We should understand our shortcomings. And I realized that, somewhere in my planning, I plan for 9:30. I’m fighting 9:30 every time. I’ll plan for 9:15! Eleven minutes early. Eleven heartbeats less. Eleven years more life. Ten minutes late, because of that stress. Ten heartbeats more, ten years less life. If once in a way, I’m stressed by the watch.
Everybody goes through this. If every time I find myself running in the airport, if every time, I’m finding myself stressed in a traffic jam, if every time, I’m fighting the 9:30 to enter office… If every time to attend an infinipath, I’m running in the last five minutes, then something is not okay with me. Then I will have to understand. This is my limitation. There is no point in having utopian expectations from me. I need to have realistic expectations.
And I have this limitation. I’ll have to play with the time. It’s very clear. I have an organization where, I set a goal of ten lakhs to be achieved to ten people, only two of them are achieving. Everybody else is ending up with seven or eight lakhs. It did not happen in one quarter. It did not happen in two quarter; it is happening in every quarter. I will have to understand. So, I have a team which will always fall short. How do I solve this? There’s only one way to solve this. The target for everybody is going to be fifteen lakhs, but in my mind, I’m happy with ten lakhs. But the target for everybody is fifteen lakhs. Everybody will fall short, because we don’t have an organization where everybody has got centum.
We all have people in our organization who came by getting seventy marks and eighty marks. So, when hundred was expected, they were happy with seventy and eighty. So, when ten lakhs is a goal, they will only achieve seven or eight. This is how good they are. So, if my centum is not hundred anymore, it’s hundred and fifty, how much will they get? One-ten, one-twenty? So, if my goal is, from now onwards, when I’m expecting ten lakhs, it’s fifteen lakhs, and they all end up with eleven lakhs and twelve lakhs, what happens for me as an organization?
Everything takes thirty percent more time than you anticipate. Everything! So, what if I’ve estimated a project to take twelve months? Whatever be the project. It can be software development; it can be construction. It can be interiors, building your own house, creating a painting. What if I tell myself, that I estimate it to be twelve months. To the client, I’ll only promise fifteen months, because it’s going to take twenty percent longer. I’m going to only commit. I’m not going to commit. I’m going to commit only fifteen months, and to my team, I’m going to say it has to be done in nine months’ time.
I have a six months buffer here. If I can finish it in nine months, great! Everybody is happy. If we take twelve months, I am still on time! Why? Because I have done. How will you understand this? Not because I’m teaching a concept. When you introspect, you’ll understand something about yourself. There’s no other way. Fifteen minutes I’m reading Bhagavad Gita. No question about it. Rest of the day, I’m all the time speaking. So how does fifteen minutes of being right, going to excuse me speaking lower tongue for the rest of the day? How will you correct yourself, reading more Bhagavad Gita? Nothing will happen. Introspection at the end of the day, makes me realize, how do I overcome anger?
There’s no other way. You have to get angry. In introspection, you have to understand you got angry. You have to get angry! In introspection, you have to understand, I got angry. You have to get angry. In introspection, you have to understand and get angry. You have to! And one day in introspection, you’ll realize, except losing my peace of mind, me getting BP, nothing changed, and I have to be with this wife or I have to be with this husband, or I have to be with this son, or I have to be with this dog, or I have to be with this servant for another so many years.
And for this behavior of theirs, if I keep getting angry, I keep getting angry, I keep getting angry… Donkey won’t become a horse, but I will become a donkey! And at one day, I understand the futility of my anger. Because if he was someone who would rectify his ways, he would do so after hearing it once. What, you are expecting me? Is this the first time I’m explaining introspection to Srikumar? No! You’re thinking because I’m explaining, from tonight Srikumar will practice introspection every day, neither God nor myself have any such expectation.
I’m not teaching this explaining the questioner. In fact, very rarely a questioner implements the answer that is given to the questioner. Growth is not taught. It’s caught. Somebody else will start introspection now. It may not even be anyone of this hundred and eleven. Somebody who will watch this somewhere else, or they will pirate this infinipath and post it on WhatsApp. Someone would have seen that. Somebody out there in the world. Knowledge won’t go waste.
Somebody out there in the world will start practicing introspection. Or somebody here who used to and gave it up because you feel you have already become Swamiji, might again get back to introspection, there’s no other way to do it. So, in that course, when it was explained, I’m re-explaining the whole thing. One, by investing that about ten minutes at the end of every day, just run through your day. You don’t have to do anything. Just like an editor will watch that entire filmstrip, just run through your entire day with your awareness. You don’t have to talk about it, you don’t have to discuss with anybody. You don’t have to do anything.
Just run through your entire day, that’s all. You will not complete the day, most days you will go to sleep. It’s OK, sleep off. If you’re failing anywhere else, you’ll come to know by practicing introspection. If introspection itself you don’t practice, then you won’t even know where you’re failing, then nothing will help. So those days I used to say, even if you don’t do anything else from what I teach, do three things. Read the cards, meditate, introspect, and this is going to give you more growth and transformation than everything else. Why? One.
One of these days, when you do introspection, you’ll realize between ten to one what happened, you don’t remember. You don’t remember! You would have gone through the whole thing, but you won’t remember what happened between. What I had for breakfast? In fact, in his house you only get either upma or poha. Despite that, doubt! What? Oh, what I had for breakfast today? He won’t remember. The beauty is, in introspection, you’ll realize, you’re not even aware of what you did today, that’s all. The beauty of this will come next day.
You’ll do everything aware fully, because you’ll feel end of the day, I cannot have a blackout from ten to one. And as a result, it’ll make you live your day aware fully. First. Two. There’ll be self-criticism in introspection. Here you let yourself down. You set up the wake-up call. If somebody tells you, “Every day you want to get up at 6:00, but you’re not getting up at 6:30, what is the use? Why do you set up?”, Your ego will want to justify and argue. Because there’s no ego between you and you! Any feedback from outside, your ego will come in between. But when there is self-criticism, you’re not ego-involved with anybody. You’re telling yourself you let yourself down.
So, the ease with which you’ll correct yourself will be phenomenal. You don’t have to accumulate dirt in relationships, which you will, if the outside is trying to correct you. Three. Self-appreciation will come in. The most beautiful moment in introspection is not any of these. So that day, you have realized, I set up the wake-up call at 6:00, but I woke up at 6:30. I set up the wake-up call at 6:00. I woke up at 6:30. Third day, I woke up. Fourth day, one of the two is going to happen. Either you will wake up, or you will set the wake-up call at 6:30. So you’ve decided, and you’re going the easy way. Your way. So, you shifted the wake-up call to 6:32, that’s when eleven will come.
We do amazing things in life, but we want to be appreciated by the world outside. We want it to be recognized, so it turns us into beggars. The only reason you’re craving for appreciation from the world outside is there is not enough self-appreciation in your life. Introspection will bring self-appreciation into your life. Introspection will give life to your inner voice. And in turn, your inner voice will give life to you. There is this inner voice within you, which is very dormant. You’re not hearing it.
It’s telling you all the time, “Don’t do like this, do this. Don’t choose this, choose that!”, it’s telling you all the time, but it’s too soft right now. By just practicing introspection, this inner voice will get louder and stronger, louder and stronger. In fact, Mahatria used to say in every batch meant he used to teach this. Introspection will discover a guru within you, and you will have to stop searching for a guru outside you. You don’t need one outside you.
You were created to find this guru within you. And the only way to find that is through introspection. Introspection will give you an inner voice and your inner voice, in turn, will give you a life. Introspection will remove your incomplete cycles, because in my introspection, I realise, I had to meet that person, but last minute I cancelled it. Okay, I’ll meet him tomorrow. You release these incomplete cycles. And the number of incomplete cycles that gets released through introspection, that many dreams will come down in your sleep.
The quality of your deep sleep goes up. Compared to a two mg sleeping pill that you take, an introspection at the end of every day will give you the same quality of sleep, because the sort of mental quietude it creates in you, even a sedative cannot create in you. The greatest beneficiary is, from being aware for 10 minutes at the end of every day, and I used to ask everybody, just do it for two years’ time. And in two years’ time, you will not be aware at the end of every day. You’ll be aware through the day.
And when awareness happens at the end of the day, it’s called awareness, when awareness happens in the present continuous, it’s called consciousness. You will start living your life consciously. And when you start living your life consciously, in consciousness, everything life-negative shrinks, and everything life-positive expands. Just by living your life consciously, you will find everything negative in your life begins to shrink, and everything positive in your life begins to grow.
And all these benefits will be yours. All I’m asking from you is, ten minutes at the end of every day. Close your eyes and run through it. Don’t lie down and practice, by 6:30 you’ll go to sleep in the morning by the time you do, because you have to sit and practice. If you don’t sit and practice, you lie down and practice introspection, not even once you will complete any of the days. Sit and practice. It takes about ten minutes to run through your entire day. And simply go to sleep.
In one day in this two years, you will gift yourself one of the most beautiful days in your entire life. And that day, write an e-mail to me, I used to tell people. Every morning, if you write an email, after three months, you also will not have anything to write, and I also won’t look forward to reading it. So, I used to tell people, one of these days in two years, something very beautiful will happen in your life, and when that happens, I want you to write an e-mail to me.
You will run through your entire day. And you will feel, I got everything right. Not because you read the scriptures, not because you did HDB, not because you’re regular to infinipath, because you practice introspection at the end of every day. And one of those days, you’ll only be smiling through the introspection. I got it right. I got it. Anger came, but I didn’t show it. So first I thought I won’t do it, then I said, “Why am I postponing, I did it that time!”, you’ll only keep smiling. You’ll be romancing yourself, and you’ll reach the end of the day and you’ll realize, no correction was needed today.
And just to know how it feels, one day in introspection, you felt you went through your entire day and no correction was needed, it’s worth living for. That day, there’s no difference between you and Buddha. Both of you are the same, you actually feel like a Buddha in that moment. Then you don’t have to read a book called Siddhartha, you feel like a Siddhartha in those moments. And that day you should write to me. And that is one day I feel proud that I was your teacher. Not when you come and introduce yourself as a donkey.
But that day, when I read that mail, and I know that you went through an entire day, that you saw the cake and you served it to everybody, and not when having the second piece. That day, when I know that you admired so many other things about Krishna other than butter. And that day, you make me feel so proud. That was worth investing my life on you.
I want you to take a few minutes on introspection. I think, I have re-introduced a very, very, very, very, very, very powerful tool to you. And there