Some men in my life have poor self-image, and I want to help them. Please let me know how can I help them, my Mahatria?
Let me first clarify this.
A woman had a complex about herself. She didn’t think that she was good enough. She doesn’t think that she’s good enough. And she has grown up like this, to be twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four. She can still undergo a transformation in her life, and she will not need somebody else to service her self-image again at all. She can live from feeling inferiority complex, to becoming super confident. What is that Jab We Met dialogue? “I am my own favourite!”. She can live the rest of her life feeling I am my own favourite, and she will be able to do that. But in a man’s case, once he has a dented self-image in his growing years, when I say, transformation is not possible, you have to keep on servicing him to make him feel good, for the rest of your life. He cannot reach a stage where, after this, I’ve completely come out. Somewhere, somebody has to keep servicing him with the next encouragement, with the next appreciation, with the next acknowledgement.
And he goes through a period when it is not serviced, again you will see that inferiority complex will show up. Again, you will have to serve it. So, when I say, you can bring about a lot of change in that, transformation is, that it doesn’t need servicing anymore. It doesn’t happen. Now, what do I do with a person who has a dented self-image? You have to keep giving him small victories, you have to help him to achieve small victories. Small, small victories. For example, for somebody who thinks that, after this age, I cannot build muscles, and you can just prod him a little.
Put him in the hands of the right personal trainer, and he has that right diet, which will help him along with his workouts. And somewhere he sees that, even at this age, his biceps has come up by another one inch, or little sagging has come down, little definition. He feels good about it, but this will service only this. This doesn’t mean with this, he can… That will serve his right. Now you have to give him another small victory, another small victory. So, if you’re there in that sort of a relationship, as a mother to a son, or as a wife as to a husband, and you know that you have a man in your life, whose self-image is not complete.
You’ve to keep giving them small victories. Set them small, small goals, prod them a little, ask them to make… What is a goal? A promise I made to myself. I told myself I’ll achieve this. A goal is just a self-promise. So, urge him to create a few self-promises unto himself, and let him pursue this entire thing. Small victory, temporarily he’ll feel good about it.
Then you have to give him another victory, then you have to give him another victory. Every time he feels this victory, you’ll find a very beautiful person in that period. Again, he goes into this period where he feels he is not winning, he is not achieving. he is not accomplishing. You’ll again see a lesser self. Again, you have to give the next victory. So, you’ll have to…
It’s like diabetes. It’s all nice to say that it can be reversed, and I was diabetic, I have no more diabetes, then they’ll secretly take medicines. But the thing is, but can it be maintained at one level, so that you are not allowing further deterioration?
A disease can be cured. A disorder cannot be cured. You have to maintain the disorder. Diabetes is a disorder, it’s not a disease. It’s a disorder. Something in your organ is not doing the job it should be doing. So, if you can maintain it at a level where it does not deteriorate further, you’ve achieved this. So, one thing that can be done with such men is that, keep giving them the small victories, and make them feel good as many times as possible, and that will help you to carry them in life.