Next fifteen minutes if you can take, your life will not be the same again. ACR.
A – Accept the unchangeable.
C – Change the changeable.
R – Remove yourself from the unacceptable.
Let’s again go through this, because I want one flowchart with which your whole life is lived. In fact, I just want one chart on your wall looking at which, you know, spontaneously, why are you disturbed in life. Why there is stagnation in life.
Why there is progress in life. Why there is abundance in life. Why there is scarcity in life. The moment you see the chart, you should know.
From reality I am progressing towards. Everybody! And how do I progress from reality towards desires? By executing?
When I execute choices, what do I get? How many possibilities are there for consequences?
Everyone has understood that. Okay. The four possibilities are, more, equal, less, opposite.
Now, whichever of the consequence I get, consequence cannot be changed. So, the first thing is, the moment you receive a consequence, accept.
Whatever is the consequence. First is accept, accept the unchangeable. Nothing can be done about it. It has to be accepted. And that is the first step that you take, which means, the moment you accept, your peace is automatically protected.
The moment you accept, your positive emotions are automatically protected, and that’s the power of acceptance. Now we’re going to have it.
It has to be interactive. Otherwise, this session is not good. It has to be interactive. I’m going to ask questions and I want reply from you. You know, why we get angry? Something is happening. Or something is about to happen, not the way I want, and that makes me angry.
I repeat, something is happening, or something is about to happen, not the way I want, that makes me angry. So, I’m wearing grey trousers, and my wife brings water for me.
There’s not only water inside the glass, there is also water outside the glass. Probably she just brought it like that from the pot.
And as I’m drinking, a few droplets of that falls on my grey trousers, so it looks exactly like urine. Something has happened, not the way I want, so I get angry.
“How many times I’ve told you, this is not the ISO 9000 standard…”. I shout at her. That evening, I have a meeting in Poes Garden. So, I’m waiting and, one of those rare occasions…
Madam Chief Minister asked me, “Do you care for water?”. I said, “Definitely”. And she immediately asked somebody to bring.
Somebody brings, water inside, water outside. Some drops of water, in front of chief minister, a few drops falls on my grey trouser.
Will I shout? In fact, I’ll show the other leg and show, “Here also you can put”. Why? When something happens, not the way I want and I’m not able to accept it it becomes anger, when something happens, not the way I want, but I’m able to accept it, it becomes tolerance.
Situation is same, something has happened.
My acceptance of it makes it tolerance, a positive emotion. My non-acceptance of it makes it anger, a negative emotion.
Let’s take another situation. Let’s take another emotion. I’m facing uncertainty, a lot of people say, I’m scared of public speaking.
When do you feel fear? When you face uncertainty, you feel fear. Every time you face uncertainty, you feel fear? No.
You won’t do bungee jumping if you don’t want to face uncertainty. You won’t go in roller coaster, if you don’t want to face uncertainty.
You will not take part in any adventure sport, if you don’t want to face uncertainty.
In fact, in modern context, nobody can be in business if you don’t want to face uncertainty. In fact, for a modern man, doing business is adventure sports, separate adventure sport is not required.
Some building will fall, all builders will suffer after that. When I’m facing uncertainty and I’m not able to accept it, it becomes fear. When I’m facing uncertainty and I’m able to accept it, it becomes adventure.
Somebody has something in life which I don’t have. And I’m not able to accept it, I become jealous. Somebody has something in life and I don’t have, I’m able to accept it, it becomes an inspiration.
One day I will also have it. One day I will also achieve it. Situation is the same.
Somebody has hurt me, and I’m not able to accept that somebody has hurt me, it becomes hatred. Somebody has hurt me, and I’ve accepted it… It becomes forgiveness.
In all these, something with non-acceptance is anger, negative emotion. Something plus acceptance is tolerance, positive emotion.
Something plus non-acceptance is fear, negative emotion. Something plus acceptance is adventure, positive emotion. Something plus non-acceptance is jealousy, negative emotion. Something plus acceptance is inspiration, positive emotion.
Something plus non-acceptance is hatred, negative emotion. Something plus acceptance is forgiveness, positive emotion. I’m right now thinking about somebody, but they are not physically with me, and I’m not able to accept it. I will always tell you “I’m missing you so much”.
Somebody is a mental presence, physically absent, I’m not able to accept, I will say “I’m missing you so much.”. Somebody is mentally present, physically absent, I have accepted it, I’ll say “I’m thinking about you so much.”.
Same situation. Whether you will say I am thinking about you all the time, or you are going to say I miss you all the time, depends on whether you are able to accept the physical absence or you don’t accept the physical absence. Everything stems into this.
Now listen to the emotional equation of life.
Something plus non-acceptance is equal to negative emotion.
Something plus acceptance is equal to positive emotion.
All emotions, you can pick up any emotion you want. All emotions. Something plus non-acceptance is equal to negative emotion. Something plus acceptance is equal to positive emotion.
The biggest transformation that is required in you is this, biggest transformation. I don’t care whatever sessions are coming after this. The entire program you have done…
If there is one transformation which I consider as the biggest transformation in terms of happiness, in terms of peace, in terms of positive emotions, in terms of your quality of life, it is this, till now.
Every time you felt disturbed, what is disturbance? You’re suffering a negative emotion. That’s when you feel disturbed. If you ever say I’m disturbed, that means you’re right now suffering a negative emotion.
Any time you feel disturbed, that means any time you’re suffering a negative emotion. Till now, your thought process was, “What is disturbing me? Who is disturbing me?”.
Now, one change is required. From now onwards, every time you feel disturbed, that means you are suffering a negative emotion, you will not ask, what is disturbing me or who is disturbing me. Instead you will ask, what am I not accepting which is disturbing me.
And the moment you turn non-acceptance into acceptance, in that very instance, negative emotion will become positive emotion.
Hatred becomes forgiveness, jealousy becomes inspiration, fear becomes adventure, anger becomes tolerance, missing becomes thinking…
Negative becomes positive. And it’s… That’s all, there’s nothing more to it. You can do a Ph.D. on this and finally you’ll come to the same conclusion, because this is truth, sathyam. Something plus non-acceptance is equal to negative emotion.
Something plus acceptance is equal to positive emotion.
Till now every time you went through a disturbance in life, you asked this question, what is disturbing me, or who is disturbing me? And the truth is not what is disturbing me or who is disturbing me, it is my non-acceptance of who, or my non-acceptance of what, that is disturbing me.
And the only way negative emotion is going to become a positive emotion… is by turning that non-acceptance into acceptance. When you change, your life changes.
It’s not when the world changes, your life changes. Because the world can change. My wife may not anymore come and pour those droplets of water on my grey trousers.
But something else will happen, which will make me angry. Then something else will happen, which will make me angry. And I am all the time thinking, he is making me angry, she is making me angry.
That situation is making angry, this situation is making me angry, when the truth is, my non-acceptance of all these people in all these situations is making me angry, which is in my control.
The world is not in my control. I am in my control.
The father was reading the newspaper. And a six-year old daughter said, “Father, can you play with me?” But he wanted to read the newspaper, so he saw a world map that was printed on the newspaper, the globe. The entire world map.
So, he tore that sheet of paper, tore it into multiple pieces, scattered it on the floor and told the child, “This is your jigsaw puzzle. First, get the entire world map assembled properly, then father will play with you.”, and he continued to read the paper. In five minutes’, time the child called out and said, “Look!”. He was stunned. He knows his own IQ levels.
He thought his daughter was a genetical skip.
Looking at his expression, it seems the child said, “Father, I know why you look so shocked, but father, you should know one thing, when you were tearing that paper, I saw there was the face of a man on the other side. Father, I don’t know where New Zealand should be, where Australia should be, America should be, India should be, Canada should be.
But father, I know where nose should be, where forehead should be, where ear should be, where eye should be.”. And it seems the child said, on behalf of all of you, it seems the child said, “Father, I got the man right, the world became right.”
And there is no other way. The man has to become right for your life to become right. And here the man becoming right is, I’m not saying infinite transformations are required, moksha, nirvana.
A simple cognitive understanding is required. Something plus non-acceptance is negative emotion. In all the negative emotions I suffer in life, there is a non-acceptance.
Something plus acceptance is equal to positive emotion. In all the positive emotions I enjoy in life, there is an acceptance.
And why is it relevant here? When I execute a choice and I get a consequence and there are four possibilities, whether it is what you wanted or whether it is not what you wanted, either way, what you have got, you have to accept now.
If you don’t… You will live this life where every time you get what you want, you will feel on top of the world. Every time you don’t get what you want, you’ll be on the bottom of depression.
And this is the roller coaster ride with which all of you keep, and for what? See, I don’t have a problem you being worried.
If you being worried will change something out there in the world, makes sense. I don’t have a problem of you being tensed. See, if there was a system like that, a beautiful system.
If you worry long enough, it’ll solve. Beautiful system. Then, my program will change, I’ll train you how to be the best in worries.
But your worries change nothing! Hair is falling when you’re taking bath and it is going there, you being worried about it. Tomorrow, some more will go. And your worries don’t change anything.
You took a decision and the decision is wrong. You’re down eight lakhs, and there is only one way for you to come back from being down eight lakhs.
You have to find a way to earn eight lakhs one rupee. There’s no other way to come out of it.
And you tell me if you’re tensed, if you’re worried, if you’re sulking, if you’re depressed, if you’re frustrated, you’re disappointed.
There is melancholy, there is sadness, there is frustration, dejection, demotivation, demoralization. I don’t know why they say F-word and B-word are bad words.
These are all bad words. Emotions that you don’t deserve to feel in your life. And with all these things, will you be able to have clarity or motivation to turn things around in your life? Accept.
You’re down eight lakhs, this decision has gone wrong, you’re down eight lakhs. Accept it now. I’m not interested that you’ll execute a choice, you’ll get a consequence and you’ll go back and execute the next choice.
All of us will go back and execute the next choice. Will you do it happily? Or you’ll do it miserably?
Will you do it peacefully? Or will you do it with a lot of tension? That’s the entire issue.
Acceptance will ensure that you are absolutely ready to go back. And yet, we live our life with people who all the time live their life thinking, their negative emotion will somehow alter situations in life.
You cannot alter any situation. Life has not been designed to oblige your emotions. Life has not been designed to oblige your emotions; your emotions does not change anything about life.
Everything you have been worried, and, real life worry is itself is unnecessary I’m saying. Your worries is about mega-serial worries.
Whether that mother-in-law and that daughter-in-law will come together or not. Your mother-in-law and you, you’re not having proper relation, let’s discuss that. What all miseries in life? One of these days, class will get over, they’ll go outside, and it’ll be raining.
It’s raining means what? It’s raining. He will reach out for it with his hand. Isn’t it evident?
And they’ll say, “I should have brought an umbrella”. How you should have brought an umbrella? If you don’t have an umbrella, you don’t have an umbrella! How I should have?
These are people who are thinking as if some rewind option available in life. You can press that; they’ll go take the umbrella and come back to the session.
If you don’t have the umbrella, you don’t have the umbrella! And this is not all. For the next class, he’ll bring one umbrella, it won’t rain! And these people cannot be miserable alone.
They need company. They’ll come and tell you, “I brought an umbrella for nothing”.
Give it to me no! Somehow they have to be miserable. May will come in Chennai, and these people can be met everywhere. They’ll come and say, “This time Chennai is very hot.”. Ah, last time it was very cold! And you will see them everywhere.
They just cannot be happy in life and they won’t allow anybody to be happy in life. Tomorrow morning, they’ll go to the airport and they want to board a flight and the flight is delayed and they will do circus there.
Shouting, screaming, and that counter staff will keep smiling… “Yeah, I understand sir”. Internally she is telling you…
“You ass, dot, dot, dot, dot.”. But she is trained to smile outside and call you whatever she wants to call from inside.
All the small aircrafts, that ATR aircrafts that is there, now they have been designed in such a way that unless it goes into the air, that AC won’t work. It’s designed like that. Little air from there will come, which is equal to one pranayama, that’s all.
All these, and these are people who regularly travel in that aircraft. They’ll sit there and go on doing that. You think anything is changed there, by doing this? Nothing is going to change. They’ll be standing there in the conveyor belt for their box to come.
There, their boxes come. Yeah, what’s there, won’t come here? Excuse me, that’s my box. Why should I know what is your box? Simply cannot be peaceful.
In a traffic jam, hundred cars in front of you. From behind, he’ll do, “Keek!”. No, now you can see, after every session is over. See up to six o’clock, traffic police is there, so one way only traffic is coming.
So, the moment the session gets over, there is cars on both the sides. Session. Happiness. Top of the world inside and all, all this and all. Ten o’clock it gets over sitting there in the car…
“He’s come that side.”. Are you a helicopter? You can’t do anything about it. And these are all your miseries, not that earthquake…
Has come and like Sita, you’re being drawn. Day-to-day issues. And you cannot. Somebody from behind has to do “Keek!” for you, your peace of mind will go.
The curtain is kept open, windows they’ve forgotten to close and in Chennai if you leave it like this, mosquito will come inside.
And when he comes, laptop bag, CEO. All that only. Even when car stops, he will not take his own ass out. Driver has to come and open it and say, “Please get off your bum.”… And only then he will come out. Otherwise he will be sitting there.
He’ll come. The moment he sees that window is open… “How many times I’ve told?”. Peace of mind of everybody in the house is disturbed. It’s open, it’s open! Close it, four mosquitoes have come inside, there are coils there, there are mats there, there are mosquito repellents there, put something there and get the whole thing done.
“Mahatria, if we keep on doing this, when will they learn?” Suppose they don’t learn at all. You will die of heart attack, stupid.
In fact, I’m telling you, you don’t know what happens in the house. At five forty-five, your wife asked children, “Do you want to see circus today?”.
Yes. Okay. Open the window. Keep it. And she said, “Now circus will start now.”.
I know it is very, very melodramatic. But I, if I don’t share this, my sessions can never be complete. So, I have to share this with you.
There was a time I had a lot of time and when I had a lot of time, I used to do a lot of counseling. And this husband and wife had come for counseling, and they were very upset with each other.
So, I had two chairs together, and I was sitting in front. They came. The first thing husband did was took the chair and moved aside and sat there.
He has to show me that they are not getting along well, and poor counselor in me, like a car wiper, I had to look at him, look at her and keep talking.
If they sat together… That issue at least wasn’t. “May I know what the thing is?” So, she said, “Ask him only.”. Asked him, “Can you tell me what the issue is?”.
“See, I can’t live with a woman who has no discipline.” I asked him, “No discipline is an issue in marriage, now? What, you are recruiting people for uniform forces or what?”.
Immediately he got very upset with me and he told me that, “See, if you don’t want your wife to be disciplined, that’s your decision. I want my wife to be disciplined and it matters to me.”.
I said, “Can you give me an example that her indiscipline affects your marriage?”.
“What? What, I can give thousands of examples. For example, she presses the paste in the middle.” Would you believe, going for marriage counseling because your wife presses the paste in the middle.
I realize there is no point in talking to a manufacturing defect. So, I immediately turned towards her and told her, “Ma’am from now onwards, buy two paste.”. ”
Let him press wherever he wants to press. You press wherever you want to press. For thirteen rupee fifty paise don’t go for a divorce.”
And I didn’t have the heart. Because I felt my time was being wasted by a nut. So, I got up then, and I told her and, “Ma’am, you’ll promise to do one thing for me.”.
“What?” “One day when he returns from office, you will keep that paste in the middle, and you will do ritual dance around that. Okay?”
“And he will ask you, what are you doing? You tell him, this is my paste. I’ll do whatever I want.” “Your paste is inside.” Don’t go for divorce for this.
And I hope you are not laughing too much on others. I can give hundred stories from each one of your life like this.
If you have a son and if you have a husband, this is the scenario in your house. Men will drop their jean, walk out of that and go.
That will just be sitting there. And any number of times, they can cross that and go, but they won’t lift it. But, if you’ve got one like that, see, whenever you have such people in your close relationship, I tell people, “Don’t look at them and ask, why are you like this?”.
“Look up and ask, how did You create this?”
Yesterday, we learned, great manufacturers always create great products, but today, we know, great manufacturers also create a few defective products.
If one of that is married to you, look up, don’t look to the side. All I’m saying in the midst of all your laughter is, it calls for acceptance. It just calls for acceptance.
I’ve got a consequence and I have to accept it. An acceptance is equal to positive emotion. At any given stage, if you ever feel a little disturbed in life, you’re going to spontaneously ask this question.
Not who is disturbing me, not what is disturbing me, but you’re going to spontaneously ask this question. Who, or what am I not accepting that is disturbing me? Turn non-acceptance into acceptance, acceptance will ensure that your positive emotions are preserved.
Can it be passive acceptance? If we go on accepting everything, you’ll only build a world of mediocrity. The status quo in the world can never be changed if we accept it.
I am saying, having accepted… Now, there are, again, two alternatives. One, change the changeable. Next is C. A, accept the unchangeable, C, change the changeable.
Now change your approach. Go back and execute the next choice. You will get some consequences, accept it. C – change the changeable. Go and execute the next choice.
You’ll get some consequences. Motivated, or matured. C – change the changeable. If you accept and change… you will still be peacefully influencing a lot of development in your life, but you will not trade your peace in the entire process.
So, first A, accept and then change. Please understand subtle difference. Accept the unchangeable. What is unchangeable? The consequence I have already received is unchangeable.
Change the changeable. What is changeable? The next choice is up to me now. Let me go and execute the next choice. So, C – change the changeable is, I’m applying my intelligence on the next choice to be executed.
A – accept the unchangeable is, what I applied to the consequence. Either with faith and surrender. Or, emotionally understand, this is the truth, and the truth I resist are the battles I fight.
So, let me accept it now, and change the changeable. Any number of examples I can give you, but everything comes back into accept… and then execute change the changeable.
I’ve tried and tried and tried. But I am not able to influence a change. I’ve tried different approaches; I’ve tried different alternatives. I’ve done a lot of things, but I’m not able to influence a change. That’s when R comes in. Remove yourself from the unacceptable.
I cannot go on expending energy. There is a product and I’ve been trying to improve the product. I’ve been trying to make that product succeed. I’ve changed my sales approach, I’ve changed my marketing approach, I’ve changed my packaging, I’ve changed my pricing.
I’ve tried whatever I had to try. Somehow, maybe to the current temperament of the world, the current temperament of the market, or probably the competitive alternatives that are available there in the market.
Everything seems to suggest to me that this is not going to succeed. Rather than continuing to expend that same energy into this vicious cycle, let me remove myself from the…
Unacceptable. And now use that energy to execute a fresh choice. Maybe I can introduce another product, another brand, another line, another market.
There is no point in any, you don’t want to live in a geography like Chennai because you repress, you think Chennai is Coovum and mosquitoes and corruption. And this is what it is. And hence, you know what, you have a choice!
Remove yourself from the unacceptable. Go to another geographical location and settle down. Now, I have tried my best. I have tried to motivate this employee; I’ve tried to revise the entire incentive scheme.
I have tried to create another way to motivate them. I have retrained them, but I think these guys won’t produce the results. Yes, you have accepted. You have changed. You’ve accepted change.
Change the changeable. Even when I want to change others, I have to change my approach towards that.
I’ve tried everything, but I think this person is not going to produce results. It’s time to remove myself from the unacceptable. Now, this person in the team is unacceptable because, all of you who run organizations please remember this, one rotten tomato will spoil all the other tomatoes.
Sometimes, if you have to save all the other tomatoes, you might have to take this one rotten tomato and throw it out. And in throwing out this one rotten tomato only, you’ll save all the other tomatoes.
Sometimes, you have to execute that choice. I will remove myself from the… Unacceptable.
Simple thing. I’ve got into an auto rickshaw and he’s smoking a cigarette. First thing is, accept. First thing, the cigarette is already lit.
He has already taken in inhalation; he is going to exhale. Accept the unchangeable, nothing can be done about this. First, accept it.
Otherwise you will sit in an auto rickshaw and lose your peace of mind. Having accepted the unchangeable, now, what is the next thing you’re supposed to do? ACR. C, change the changeable.
So how are you going to change?
You’re going to tell the auto rickshaw driver that, “I don’t want you to smoke, drop the cigarette.”. Most of them will drop the cigarette.
“No no no, I have lit the cigarette so I will smoke.” Stop the rickshaw, remove myself from the unacceptable, take the next rickshaw and go.
You don’t have to… Don’t sit there staying miserable. It doesn’t make sense.
ACR. R has to be the final resort. Otherwise you’ll be an escapist in life. Any situation you will run away from. Any situation you will run away from.
R has to be, I know I have done enough attempt to change the changeable.
And today I’ve come to this conclusion that this is neither changeable, nor acceptable.
So I’ll remove myself from the unacceptable, and channelize this energy by executing a fresh choice, and continue this entire loop of life.