Chapter 10: Much After ‘Your’ Life And ‘My’ Life Has Become ‘Our’ Life…

Existence has purposefully created man and woman a little incomplete so that they could embrace each other and make it complete. However, centuries of conditioning have given the terms husband and wife a very narrow connotation. It has shrunk the scope of this relationship. Drop the words husband and wife from your vocabulary and resolve to be ‘friends for a lifetime’. Then, both the man and the woman will sometimes play the mother, sometimes the father, sometimes a cranky kid, then the mentor, the teacher, the mirror… and of course, sometimes husband and wife too. Expand the definition of this relationship and keep it open.

Dignity in a marital relationship is found when you relate to your spouse as a complete individual, and not just the body. Observe each other’s way of thinking, discuss personal values, standpoints and convictions; get sensitised to each other’s feelings, develop emotional compatibility and take time to sit together in quietude to develop spiritual connectivity. Respect the entirety of the person and relate to the whole person, not just the peripheral aspect of the other – the body.

Don’t try to do in one year what can be done in ten years and don’t try to do in one month what can be done in one year. Most married couples fall all over each other, overdo everything within the first few months and then there is no life left in that relationship. They coexist in a dead relationship. What can be a tree should not die as a plant. Take it slow and make it long.

In life, as well as in a good relationship, the past is irrelevant. The present forms the building blocks. The future is very significant, for that is where the two of you will travel together. Discussing day-to-day trifles alone will only make you fall in love. Talk future, talk dreams, talk ambitions, and resolve to play a part in each other’s growth in a very objective and nonintrusive manner. That’s the way to grow in love.

There is this universal concept that after the wedding, both lives superimpose and there is only one life to live from then on. As a result, women were often forced to live as a shadow of their man in the name of marriage. They tagged on, but as frustrated, selfpitying, sacrificial individuals who felt exploited. The fact is, much after YOUR life and MY life has become OUR life, there is still my life and your life. ‘Our’ life is that intersecting space called marriage. Happiness in marriage depends on how both relate in ‘our’ space and how this space keeps growing with every passing year. However, he will continue to have his life and she should continue to have her life. In fact, she is at her best in ‘our’ space when she goes to her space and then comes to ‘our’ space; the same is true with him. This will ensure that you respect each other’s space, each other’s individual likes, dislikes and priorities, and most importantly, this alone will ensure that you do not suffocate each other in the name of love.

Marriage, in its true sense, should improve the quality of life of both involved. Marriage can and should be a continuity of life, magnifying the possibilities for both.

A good marriage has to be nurtured and developed.

Building a great marriage is an art; so get artistic.

It is not the question of whose mistake it is in a relationship;

it is a question of whose life!

Instead of accepting yourself as you are and

expecting the world to change accept the world as it is and

you start changing your approach towards the world.

Let life be beautiful because of the world.

Let life be beautiful in spite of the world.