Question: Vidya from Singapore is asking this question. With the arrival of my second child, my first child has become very adamant, it’s becoming very difficult to handle him. I give him a lot of my time and attention and yet it is not enough for him. What should I do to settle the child into accepting the newborn?
Ans: Why do you mothers ever think parenting a child is going to be easy? In fact, I have gone through this year after year. Every new batch comes the previous batch of seekers feel they no more get the attention they used to get. It will always be there.
I think it comes from a very simple and comprehensive understanding as a parent, as a teacher, as a leader of an organization. It comes from a very simple thing. Human beings by nature are attention seekers and there is nothing called I’m giving enough attention. In fact let me state this to all of you in the realm of relationship, in the realm of relationship, the word enough does not exist. This is what you feel, not the recipient of you. When more is given, more will be expected, and you have to service this attention.
In fact, a demanding child grooms a good mother. Challenging students create a good teacher and I can say this with experiential authority. Every parent has to understand a child did not ask to be born. It is you who decided to bring the child into existence. It’s a responsibility that you had decided to shoulder and now you have to exercise this responsibility.
His point is not whether he is getting enough attention or not. His point is his attention is being divided. People do not like divided attention. It is just that he is saying once in a way maa give me sometime which is exclusive. It’s like even in an organization, you bring in a new team a new think that you are a continuously having organizational meeting of the new team and the old team put together collective meetings. But what old team feels is that they are no more getting the attention they used to get. You feel, but they’re also there in every meeting. But their point is right now our attention is being divided. Give us undivided attention. Even once in a way if you can continue to have a meeting exclusively with the senior group and you continue to have collective meetings. Similarly, once in way what you’re saying about your elder child getting into this possessiveness. Your husband must be feeling ever since the children have come, he is no more getting the sort of attention he used to get from you.
And he’s basically saying once in a way get the children to sleep and give me some undivided attention. So, anytime the world is crying for attention, they’re not actually saying we’re not getting enough attention from you, they’re just saying we are not getting enough undivided attention from you. Find a way to create those time compartments to give them undivided attention. And you will see a phenomenal change.
Vidya, you used to go through that with me. You used to feel that you’re not getting undivided attention. Now, we have grown up. Your children too will. I think, I can take the liberty to talk about you like that. I am new to social media, If I’m sometimes being blatantly ruthlessly honest, I’m not even saying bear with me understand that’s me.
