Respect is the cornerstone of every relationship.
No one would like to be treated disrespectfully, right?
I prefer watching movies in a theatre and particularly at the rear end middle seat. I feel the acoustics effect will be at its best and the movie comes alive from that place. From the time online movie booking started, I will only book a show where there is a middle rear seat. I don’t mind skipping a movie but not the perfect seat.
The only challenge that comes with such a desire is in getting to that seat. As generally most people would have already occupied their seats, I would need to slide my way through to get to the middle seat. As I move in, I automatically utter the words ‘Sorry’ and ‘Excuse me’ a few times until I reach my seat. I would have accidentally stepped on someone or I will find someone who doesn’t want to budge in moving their legs. This happens at least twice as I usually get up during the interval break too. However, it is all worth the effort for my favourite seat.
During the interval break, I make it a point to step out to grab my favourite caramel popcorn. This has become such a ritual that I don’t miss it for any reason. When I am in the queue to order the popcorn, I will ensure I say a ‘Thank you’ to the person who hand delivers the food I love. I seem to be doing well as long as I am in touch with the world outside.
As soon as I come home or to the office, I have observed that I tend to pass through people around me as if they don’t exist. There is a familiarity and assumption that they will be around or they are supposed to be around. There is hardly a ‘Hello’, ‘Sorry’ or ‘Excuse me’. I move around as if I own the place. I have also observed that, when my near and dear ones bring something to me, I gracefully receive it only to consume, and there is no reciprocation whatsoever in terms of saying a ‘Thank you’ to the person who served me. Many a times, there is not even an eye contact with the person. I am taking the person for granted.
I wonder how I can be so kind to people whom I don’t know, whereas when it comes to my near and dear ones, I put such a big price tag for a ‘Sorry’, ‘Excuse me’ or a ‘Thank you’. When I think deeper, it is not so much to do with being artificial with strangers. In fact, I have noticed that there is within me a genuine kindness to strangers, which is very visible. Whereas for known people, there is an element of tagging their role or the relationship I share with them. This stems from the fact that I have a role to play with them and there is an element of training involved in it. Either I am trying to train the other or it is the other way around.
On the pretext of helping or training the other person in a relationship, I tend to be moody, follow some ugly methods, throwing tantrums, using bad words, getting angry, adopting poor-me tactics, abusing the other and so on. I have even attempted physical assault to ‘help’ or ‘correct’ the other person.
Respect is not for a reason.
Respect is the basic expectation of a human being to feel cared and given respect for their space.
There is a subtle undercurrent in every relationship that is active. Such undercurrents are trying to control my behaviour in a particular way. In an inactive relationship or with a stranger, I am either indifferent or at best, kind enough that I respect the other. However, I realise that in an active relationship there is a genuine expectation from the other that they get treated with kindness and respect over and above anything to do with the undercurrent that is trying to help the other.
Respect is the foundation on which any relationship is built. All the teaching, coaching, mentoring, learning, loving, caring comes much later as compared to the need to be respected in a relationship. This is mutual and when there is lack of respect from one party, then there is strain in the relationship. Of late, there is a rising number of relationship issues and the root cause stems from the fact that there is a growing lack of respect towards each other in a relationship.
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Respect is not for a reason. Respect is the basic expectation of a human being to feel cared and given respect for their space. Respect is the inner circle for every individual that we should never ignore at any cost. As humans, we err, but that does not make anyone lose their right to be respected. As humans we will emote a variety of feelings, but that does not give us the licence to disrespect the other. Just because we have a relationship or there is proximity, the need to be respected doesn’t diminish at all. In fact, there is even more expectation from the other that there is respect in the relationship.
After all, respect is not about doing very many big things. It is in very carefully and genuinely using kind words like ‘Sorry’, ‘Excuse me’ or a ‘Thank you’ in our communication and gestures. Let us be kind enough with all the people who matter to us too. It doesn’t cost much, and it will also help us to keep our ego and expectations under check. As Mahatria says, in relationships Acceptance and Appreciation should be greater than Ego and Expectations.
To take relationships forward, we need to be kind enough in a relationship so that there is respect for the relationship. With due respect, the relationship is bound to flourish sooner or later. Let’s grow in relationships – the backbone for our living.