Q and A:
My mother is an over-perfectionist; sometimes I get irritated, even she is not in the mood to accept. I am trying to be perfect but I cannot satisfy her. How to handle this?
A lot of children ask this question: my mother irritates me about discipline. She keeps finding fault with everything. My father is nagging at me; he does not allow me to play… a lot of children say this.
This problem you go through because you are exposed to only one set of parents; so that appears to be a problem for you. I really think all children must be sent to neighbour’s house for two to three days and neighbour’s children should come here for two to three days. After two to three days, you will come and kiss the feet of your mother and call her an angel.
Each one of us has to learn to deal with the imperfections of the other. It is just part of all loving relationships. Freedom of expression will be there. Even if you think you can correct yourself in everything, she will still find something else; don’t tell me you do not criticize her cooking…
When you love someone, you actually keep telling them ‘I am expecting more from you’; it’s a freedom of expression. This is not complaining, this is not about curtailing your freedom. A little imperfection is what makes a relationship so beautiful – that is the unpredictability factor. When you think she will fire, she will not; when you think she will praise you, she will scold… Such arguments in a family are called normality. What is normality, it happens in all the homes.
Freedom to disagree and be true to your emotion is called family.
If you think your mother is too nagging, that is her imperfection you need to accept it. If your mother ever thinks that you are not living up to what she expects out of you, she has to accept this as imperfection. That is only one part.
The other part is you will have to understand something even more important. You will have to understand you only expect more from people whom you believe are extremely capable of. She is expecting more from you because she believes you can, so live up to it.
Then she will be a great inspiration for you and not a source of hurt for you.