And how do we get this right? First, with a very cognitive understanding, there are no good relationships and bad relationships in life, there are only mature relationships and immature relationships in life. There’s no perfect relationship.
In fact, all our struggles in life is somehow we keep searching for this elusive perfect relationship. Because of your prejudices, your father looks perfect to you. If you are objective, you’ll realise your father too is not perfect. Because of your prejudices, your mother looks perfect to you, if you’re objective about it then you’ll realise or if you talk to your dad about it, you’ll come to know, your mother also has some imperfections. But they’ve had a great marriage.
They’ve had a great marriage because of the maturity they brought to the relationship, not because there was perfection in the relationship. There are no perfect relationships. Even when they write a story, the last sentence in the story is, they lived happily ever after… last sentence.
If they wrote one more paragraph they would have started fighting again, that is why all stories end with that sentence. One more paragraph, they would have argued with each other. Because human beings are two independent egos. You’ve been brought up in different environments, you’ve been brought up in different conditioning, you’ve been brought up with different likes and dislikes.
And two independent egos when it comes under one roof to share one life, as siblings, as spouses, as a family, as partners, as colleagues, as team members, there will be differences. We are not commodities, a human being is not a creature of logic, a human being is a creature of emotions.
Why we like, why we do not like, why we have preferences, why we hate something, why we love something, why are we passionate about something, can never be explained. From the taste of food that you have to the colour of clothing you like, whether you want to be… and even that is not consistent; Haven’t all of you gone through this? There are times you wish all your friends were around you.
Haven’t you wished there are times you want to be alone? There are times you want to be with the same sex, there are times you want to be with the opposite sex. There are times you want to read, there are times you want to watch, there are times you want to walk in the nature, there are times you want to listen to classical music, there are times you want to listen to fast numbers, there are times you like to listen to your own music, neighbours close their window, you start singing, and that’s the fascination of being a human being.
The fascination of a human being is, none of us can predict what will be our response in the next moment. The next moment can bring about very very different responses from each one of us, and that’s the most beautiful part of being a human being, unpredictability. Haven’t you gone through this? That you came late one day by 10 minutes and earthquake happened in the house, she was at her best that day.
And there was another day you came late by one hour, and you expected 5 times more explosion will happen, and it was the most romantic evening that you had, you didn’t even anticipate, and that’s the beauty of life, and that’s what you want. Today when you ring the doorbell, and the door opens, you don’t know what is on that side of the door, and that’s the fascination of life.
Every time you come and ring the doorbell and somebody stands there that side saying come in, you will think you are in a five star hotel. Predictable response can be professional, part of profession… I’ve taken the profession to be an air hostess or I have taken the job of being a banquets manager, I have to part of my profession show certain responses to you.
If I am a psychologist and I am supposed to be a trained listener so I can give certain expressions to you… aha! Oh! Oh Jesus! Oh my baby, poor thing. At home you won’t get the same response every time. Last time this response you got and today when you started, the third sentence he will tell you… started again? You’re are not listening to me, no he cannot.
He is a human being, and he is unpredictable, and that’s the beauty of life. That is why it’s not boring, that’s why it’s so spicy. There cannot be a perfect relationship, there can only be a mature relationship and the beauty is for a mature relationship to happen both need not be mature. Even if one of you is mature, you could carry that relationship.
